My long walk with this secret sin of masturbation has been the worst part and regrets of my life, i gonna be frank and i i wanna make it to you my dear reader for whatever you see in me is a courageous, brave personality one who battled and won over an iniquity all praises and Glory to God.A m quite sure we do have all sorts of secret iniquities we are struggling with and when Hebrews 10:26 comes aboard we are left wondering how and when to stop,,you wont that is the bitter truth the gravest thing with this is that its habitual and kind of addictive and no matter how you promise yourself and swear you won’t till it takes a divine power and the intervention of the Most high God.
This is my story…I know you got yours and what keeps you from sharing it ain’t cowardice but normality.
It all started back in primary school, I was meek and stupid and rather backward but was very bright class-wise, I was in class seven still tiny and never near any puberty pressures and any news to do with relationship and sex was kind of foolish, one day on our way home a fellow pupil suggests that if you are bathing and you happen to rub your manhood with soapy hands hard you will feel good and kind of ejaculate..i never laughed so hard in my life for I felt like that was the most foolish and most funny or stupid thing ever said..I treated it as mere deceit and forgot about it altogether.
years later when i was already grown up and had my feelings with me i was having my bath and all that pupil said flashed back to me and i was like let me try what that bastard had suggested years earlier..i went through the preliminaries and wonder of wonders i felt good and everything happened just like he had said not knowing that this would be the struggle of my life years to come.
ii did all this in my free time,whenever i felt like am sexually aroused,whenever i was idle,but sooner rather than later it took the better of me in that one thing led to the other for pornography settled in and day and night i craved for this arousing videos and pictures just to feel satisfied after masturbation.lust set in and now i was a slave of my own doing.I got born again in 2014 knowing maybe this would all stop but i was wrong for i was already ensnared to the addiction of this..it would take days without doing it but sooner i would find myself doing it.i struggled each moment in that the feeling of pleasure was now gone and i was serving my addiction..i would look very smart when going to church on Sunday morning and one thing remained that i would have masturbated when bathing that morning..i was sick and tired and relying on my own strength each and every moment making promises and even praying but solely taking it upon myself that i would stop whenever i wanted to..i was already a slave and it would never take my own strength or might to free myself..i would sing in church,look so holy,pray in tongues and even lead church services but back home whenever i was alone, was doing the contrary..the bible says in 2nd Corinthians 13:5 that we should examine our self deeply whether we are in the faith and The book of Hebrews 10:26 continues to point out that Dear friends, if we deliberately continue sinning after we have received knowledge of the truth, there is no longer any sacrifice that will cover these sins..but all this was just like a hot knife cutting deep through my already wounded hurt,, i wanted a break brethren, I came face to face with Philippians 2:1313 For it is [not your strength, but it is] [a]God who is effectively at work in you, both to will and to work [that is, strengthening, energizing, and creating in you the longing and the ability to fulfill your purpose] for His good pleasure..He surely intervened and claimed my soul from the bondage of this iniquity.
my friend i know this is kind of shameful and outright downgrading but would i be in the bondage still it would be but it is never me, for this guys is new and has been made whole by the conditionally unconditional love of our Lord God and His son our redeemer.
you may be struggling yes we are all humans but that moment you understand that it aint you but someone bigger,more stronger,wiser and Holier then all struggles become futile,,He has lifted me from doom to light and i can only say Abbah Father.why struggle all alone yet He is fully here for you..how i wish that you realize that soon enough for the secret sin is more lethal that cancer for it will kill you physically and spiritually..that was him now i got to say i am new.
I searched through the Earth for something that could satisfy
A peace for the hurt I had buried deep inside
Knees on the floor, I finally found everything I needed
You lifted my soul and opened up my eyesAnd I never knew anything lasts forever
Till I found You, till I found You
I never dreamed anything could be better
Till I found You, till I found YouYou’re rewriting my story
And I’m brand new like a morning
Oh, I never knew anything lasts forever
Till I found You..how i wish you too.
regards Felix aggrey
